Great, now I hate dogs AND Diane Lane

I do not know Diane Lane, but I want to like Diane Lane. Really.

Because I enjoy pain, last night I rented Must Love Dogs. If you know anything about me, you should know that my love of all things John Cusack knows no bounds (alright, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil isn't anything I've ever wanted to see). Lloyd Dobler is the spiritual template which all teenage boys should subscribe. Lane Meyer makes you realize you should learn french. Hoops McCann likes comics AND was bad at basketball. And Martin Blank is the perfect metaphor for a twenty-somethings moral and faith-based crisis. With guns.

I can watch just about anything Cusack and enjoy his performance (re: Con Air, That Crappy Movie at the Hotel with All the Converging Stories) and I barely made it through Must Love Dogs. What an awful awful movie. I share it with you here to help you avoid the same fate.

Cusack is Cusack. He's funny just because he's John Cusack, but that ain't enough for an hour plus of crap movie.

Seriously, the big third act romantic climax is one of the most poorly shot, poorly acted scenes I can remember. And it's John Cusack, a dog, and a women's crew team. That's an easy mark for off-kilter comedy and sweet sweet lovin'. Unless you're the jackass in charge of Must Love Dogs.

Diane Lane is just around the corner from being likeable. I don't know if it's her or the bad direction. She seems perfectly servicable as a romantic lead, really. Boy did I want to like her. I like romatic comedies. You don't have to convice me to watch them.

You just have to convice me they're good.

Alright, I'm gonna go get The Constant Gardner. Even though there's no Walter Gibson in sight it seems like a sure thing.